Vacuum cleaners and hockey gods

Back in 1995/96, I wrote a weekly hockey column for the Clarksville (TN) Leaf-Chronicle.  You're right to ask why.  Readership of my column was probably not too impressive, since Clarksville, TN is not exactly a hockey hotbed.  And my compensation for writing said article was exactly zero dollars.  But I did get a free season pass to Nashville Knights (ECHL) games that season, and got to interview some players, coaches, etc.  And I also got to sit in on media conference calls with NHL players.  And I got to practice writing, which was the whole point anyway.

Apparently these media conference calls take some getting used to.  The first couple, I just listened.  I think they were with Brett Hull one week, and Steve Yzerman the next.  No way was I going to ask a question.  I was far too intimidated.  Well around week 3, the interviewee was Pat LaFontaine.  Now I'd been a hockey fan at this point for all of about two years, so I wasn't too well-versed with all things hockey, but I did know that Mr. LaFontaine was a high-character individual who also possessed hall-of-fame-caliber skills on the ice.  He was a phenomenal athlete and also just a joy to be a fan of, if that's the right way to put it.  He was always working with this or that charity, and saying the right thing during interviews.  And scored goals quite profusely.  A quick aside:  Now retired from hockey, LaFontaine continues to do the right thing.  In 1997, he founded Companions In Courage, a nonprofit which builds interactive playrooms for kids in hospitals throughout Canada and the U.S.

Anyway.  I figured week three was as good a time as any to ask a question.  I was a Sabres fan, and LaFontaine was their captain.  And my favorite player.  Plus, he was so high-character and professional I figured he was unlikely to be a complete ass to me if I flubbed my question.  So I dialed in, and pressed whatever number you pressed to ask a question.  The operator asked my name and publication, and said, 'Ok.  You're in the queue.  Once you're up, I'll announce your name and publication, and you can ask your question.  You'll be muted until then.'  So I sat there, thinking & re-thinking how to phrase my question - something to do with the influx of youth within the team, and how LaFontaine's leadership role had changed.  A very professional-sounding NHL PR person welcomed everyone to the call - national hockey writers for all kinds of media outets, including Fox, ESPN, USA Today, the Hockey News, etc....  and me.  Then the reporters each got a turn asking Mr. LaFontaine a question. 

I should mention that I had driven home from work to do this conference call, on my lunch break.  My sister-in-law was at home, cleaning the house (we lived in what we all fondly refer to as 'the commune' back then.  Long story).  So I'm listening to the various questions, and she fires up the vacuum cleaner in a back bedroom.  As the interview continues and she winds her way through the house, closer to me, the vacuum cleaner gets louder.  Pretty soon I figure my name's going to pop up on the operator's screen as the next questioner.  By this time, sis is in the dining room, right next to the den where I'm sitting, so I give her a yell and a wave:  "HEY!  CAN YOU TURN THE VACUUM CLEANER OFF FOR A MINUTE?  I'M GETTING READY TO ASK A QUESTION!"

You know the part where the operator told me I was muted?  Well - she was wrong.  A female reporter was in the midst of asking Mr. LaFontaine a question.  And she stopped right at the point I'd been yelling.  Coincidence, I thought.  Right?  It must be!  Then she giggled.  Her giggling was soon accompanied by the giggles of a few others, including LaFontaine.  And then, thankfully, everyone recovered their collective air of professionalism and the interview proceeded.  Ten minutes or so later, I meekly asked my question, probably doing my best to disguise my voice so as not to draw any comparisons to the phantom vacuum-cleaner yeller. 

That was the last time I asked a question on the NHL weekly conference call.  Thank God the NHL distributed via fax transcripts of the interviews, because I was never able to bring myself to listen to the tape.  And - also thankfully - they didn't include the part about the vacuum cleaner on the transcript.